Beijing Bizarre: 7 Obscure Things You’ll Want to Do

Beijing is rad. Here are the 7 things you’ll want to remember to do while you’re in town.

1. Transform your Car into a fully functioning Police Vehicle

You can find almost anything in Beijing, including all the necessary paraphernalia to become a uniformed officer. Stores on the side of the street sell everything from police badges to tasers to flashing lights for your car. Always wanted to be a cop? You can be one immediately for 10 bucks in Beijing.

2. Get off the Great Wall during a Thunderstorm

In the event you have no common sense whatsoever, don’t fear. These signs will remind you that staying on the Great Wall during a thunderstorm is probably not the best idea you’ve ever had.

3. Eat a Live Scorpion Skewer

We found this guy while wandering through the hutongs one afternoon. He sticks that skewer right through their tummies while they’re alive. And they stay alive, too, squirming around all skewered-scorpion-like. And then you eat them. Watch til the end, the zoom gives you the best idea.

4. Avoid the Child taking a Poo on the Street

Like it or not, a child (or, if you’re very lucky, a senior citizen) WILL take a poo on a street when you’re in Beijing. Pants-down, sidewalk-style. I decided not to photograph this one. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

5. Eat a Fried Drumstick Hamburger from a Box

I don’t know about you, but I think this looks delicious. Choiceness raw material? From a box?! Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?

6. Wear a Gas Mask when you go to the Bathroom

Top left. Toilet sign. Below the toilet sign? Take a gander. But don’t go in, unless you’ve brought your defense mask and fastened your seat-belt.

Here’s a closer view, just so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. Beware the Doap Down. And what is Ovntilating? Do they mean Ovulating?

7. Avoid Playing the Trumpet

And finally, in the event you brought your trumpet with you to China, and specifically to this road, beware! You probably shouldn’t play it here.