Malaysian Revelations: 8 things I learned in Kuala Lumpur

Malaysia’s capital city: vibrant, chaotic, cultural, concrete. In no particular order, the 8 things I learned in Kuala Lumpur:

1. STREET VENDORS HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR.

“You looking for DVDs?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well maybe the DVDs are looking for you.”

–

–

Well, hmm. I ain’t got nothing to say to that. ; )

Meandering through the dazzling colours and narrow alleyways of Kuala Lumpur’s Chinatown, waltzing behind thick canvas paintings and incense filled shops under a sea of brightly lit floating lanterns, and you have to give the Malaysian shop vendors just a little bit of credit – they’ve got a wicked sense of humour.

And despite the fact that we have less than zero use (or space!) for a Malay-wood film, which is probably not only impossible for us to understand but also most likely improperly coded and more-than-likely unreadable, we still laughed in spite of ourselves and kind of even sort of wanted to buy one. Jo DID buy an awesome Indian pashmina… for the equivalent of oh, about 3 dollars.

And I very nearly bought a knock-off lacoste tank, until I tried it on and asked if they had a mirror. The vendor said, “yes, yes, over there -” and gestured to a group of older Malaysian men, who saw me, nodded their approval, and laughed. What kind of mirror laughs back at you? The shirt must have looked awesome on me.

2. KIDS ARE CUTE. PERIOD.

The street vendors weren’t the only ones who wanted to say hello in Kuala Lumpur – we passed tons of school groups and hundreds of young kids waved at us energetically as we walked past them (perhaps it was a jerk-reflex because our stares were making them uncomfortable, but who knows). It’s possible I have a soft-spot for Malaysian kids after our encounter with the kids in Kuala Besut, but I will fight you if you try to tell me these kids aren’t some of the most adorable children on the planet (and I will win).

3. I AM INAPPROPRIATELY CLOTHED, AGAIN.

Malaysia may be a Muslim country, but Kuala Lumpur is a pleasant mix of all sorts of people and religions. I’d been warned beforehand not to wear shorts above the knee or walk around without my shoulders covered, but the city was too hot and humid to avoid either. The sticky, stagnant air had me wearing countless numbers of inappropriate clothing (hey, I’m accustomed to being the Inappropriate Girl) – but aside from one or two minor instances, I never felt uncomfortable. Just make sure to cover up when you enter the temples.

4. THE PETRONAS TOWERS ARE BUILDINGS.

That’s right. The Petronas Towers are cool, but let’s be honest. They’re buildings. The architecture is neat, and the way they light up at night is unique, but to be honest – they’re just buildings, and a building is a building. And how excited can anyone get about a building, anyway?

I take it back. We got excited.

The best views of the Petronas Towers can be seen from the Traders Building, another sky-scraper just adjacent to the towers and reachable by foot through the gardens. If you’re as awesome as we are (consider yourself lucky! ;) ), you’ll take the elevator to the 33^rd floor and find yourself in a rather remarkable restaurant/lounge. There’s a pool running through the entire length of the place, about 10 feet wide and stretching oh, at least 100 feet in length. It runs parallel to the window seats, which are sunken into the floor and adorned with colourful cushions and pillows. The seats have beautiful, unobstructed views of the towers, and after about 4 feet, the window ends and the next 8 feet to the ceiling is open air.

Sky Bar starts taking reservations at 7pm, but until then you’re able to sit at these tables and lounge all you like. The best part about being there at this time (aside from the view of course) is the fact that it’s also – you guessed it – happy hour! Alcohol is expensive in Malaysia, but we still managed to get 2 for 1 pints of beer for less than a single pint would cost you at Grouse mountain. ;)

We were lucky enough not to have a reservation on our table all night – so we sat here all evening, watching as the sun set on Malaysia and the Petronas Towers lit up the night sky. We shared appies and pints with Joanne’s brother Brett, his girlfriend Megan, and her brother Matt. Our friend Konstantine from Singapore also made an appearance.

5. MCDONALDS IS A FIRST-CLASS VENUE.

I’m not proud to say it and if you ask me again I shall never admit it, but we may or may not have managed to navigate ourselves to one of KL’s overpriced McDonalds around midnight.

Aside from the typical greasy fried burgers and cholesterol shakes, McChicken drenched Quarter pounders and watered-down Coca Colas, we also found a whole spectator crowd swarming around the TVs, drinking pints of (McDonald’s lager?) and watching English premier-league football. Who knew McDonalds was a first-rate venue for so many things?

6. EVEN IN THE PRESENCE OF A GIANT GOLD-PAINTED HINDU LORD, MONKEYS ARE STILL SCARY.

We decided to get out of the city and go explore the Batu Caves one afternoon. We flagged down our bus (because that’s how things are done around here – no bus stops, just wave your hand somewhere along the buses’ route… and cross your fingers that the driver sees you – I’m sorry but I have to say I’m really happy I’m not a bus driver in Malaysia).

I digress. The Batu Caves temple complex is cool. It’s constructed within massive limestone caves that rise almost 100 meters above the ground. To get to these caves you have to walk up a bunch of stairs – 272 to be exact – beside the world’s largest statue of Murugan. Her price-tag is about 24 million Rupees and she’s covered in 300 litres of gold paint. She’s a Hindu deity and she’s 140 feet tall. Bet I’d be pretty impressive too if I were hundreds of feet tall and covered in gold.

Less impressive are the hundreds of monkeys that inhabit these limestone caves. They run up the steps, dodging in and out of unsuspecting tourists and stealing bits of food and 1/2 finished soda cans – as if a monkey isn’t terrifying enough without caffeine.

I kept as great a distance from every sneaky little furry thing that I could manage. I’m not about to repeat THIS any time soon.

7. DELICIOUS INDIAN FOOD IS AVAILABLE FOR JUST OVER $1.

If dodging caffeinated monkeys has got your appetite going, treat yourself to some of the world’s greatest Indian cuisine at the base of the Batu Caves – conveniently out of monkey territory. Seven of us ate and drank for 31 Ringgit – the equivalent of about 10 dollars. So much for expecting high prices at tourist hotspots. It must be the monkeys that drive the price down. And the best part? Eating the rice with our fingers. :)

8. YOU HAVE TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK IF YOU WANT A TIGER.

Because Malaysia is a Muslim country, alcoholic drinks are never advertised outside of major cities. If you want a pint, you’ll have to ask the servers at the restaurant (or the 7-Eleven attendant, as may be the case) – often times they’ll have a small selection of alcoholic drinks hidden in a cooler at the back of the restaurant, but sometimes you’ll ask and be out of luck. No Tigers for you.

We ate a late dinner at a little restaurant in the north of the country and sat beside a group of 3 or 4 young Muslim men. They were sitting at a table, playing cards and sipping hot tea. A table over was another group of men, rolling tobacco and drinking sodas. Is it strange that I found this odd? I did love it, though. And I ordered myself a fine mango smoothie. :)